I think she hates me because if she doesn’t I can’t understand her thoughts. I mean, she’s a woman, she thinks of herself the same as she thinks...of me?Now, let me begin with the “Panties affair”One month before I was 17 I began to realize I was always short of panties, I used one pair daily, two at most if I had gym or something, but, someday I found 4 or more panties on the dirty clothes bin.I’m naive, I know, I had to talk with Samantha in order to guess what was happening.“Your cousins are. "Please don't defend the little faggot!" Jamie raises her voice. Shetells Jeanette that men are not to open a woman's lingerie drawers. "Whatis his fucking problem? I've got enough underwear. Why can't he buy mesome nice dresses or skirts or outerwear?" Can you wear it?" In the house." And how do you feel about not being able to leave the house, when you'redressed appropriately?" Aughhhhhh! I want to go out and shop and dance and meet people. I wantto go to a nice dinner with some guy and have. I sit on his floor, glancing at his television. Its the pause screen for some video game, and I lean my head on his bed. Adam looks at me, worry in his eyes, and sits down. Im glad you came over, I dont want you to hurt yourself, he says, and I lay down on his floor, resting my head on his lap. His eyes say he didnt expect that, and his hands remain by his sides. Do you know how much it sucks, falling for you when I know you dont feel the same? When Im supposed to love him? I ask, a tear. Of course he started talking about how much pressure hed been put under to remove me from the teamIm sure there were even specific words he was saying that might stand out, but my head was so awash with stress and anxiety Im not really sure I heard any of them. So yeah, I did the normal pleadings and such that would be expectedeven though the words were mine I didnt register them as coming from my mouth, the whole experience so surreal that it felt I was watching a movie, not living this..
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