Twice my fingers slipped -- loading a reel by hand is no easy trick under the best of circumstances -- but I finally got the strip into the can and de...eloped it with painstaking attention to time and temperature.The negatives were perfect. They were so crisp, so defined. I could not believe my luck. I was aware of how dangerous it was to print anything when at any moment an instructor or a student might glance over to see what I was doing, but the darkroom was pretty empty and I just had to. Over the next months we fell in love and we made love and fucked every chance we got, there were days when we wouldn’t get out of bed except to use the bathroom and eat. Some weekends Logan would go to her dads but most of the time she was with us. On the weekends when she was gone I found out that Vicky had some repressed sexual feelings that she needed to be explored. We did things and in places that I was in a total state of arousal all the time. When Vicky talked about sex to start with it. "I was so dead I wondered at no thing, —Not even that the angels slowly turnedTheir faces, speechless, as I hurried by(Beneath my feet the golden pavements burned.)Nor, at the first, that I could not find God, Because the heavens stretched endlessly like space.At last, a terror seized my very soul;I seemed alone in all the crowded place.Then, sudden, one compassionate cried out, Though like the rest his face from me he turned, As I were one no angel might regard(Beneath my feet the golden. The analogy is rough but it highlights the flaw inherent in a top-down power structure. The top steers, the next couple of layers, especially the bureaucracy are the ruts. To restate Newton's inertia: those that are empowered tend to stay empowered; those not empowered tend to stay un-empowered. Yes I could have made it in politics. It isn't like I'm not ruthless or vicious enough. Truth is I'd probably scare some of the big fish — which is ultimately why I chose another field. Scared people do.
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