She and I were only a year apart, so we were pretty close in height. It struck me as very weird that she didn’t ask about why my tummy was too big f...r her to reach around, or even react at all to it. She just gave me the same “good morning” like she always did. Now I was REALLY confused. Before I knew it, she was leading me downstairs to have breakfast. Daddy patted us on the head with another good morning, and acted like nothing was wrong. Mommy set a bowl of cereal in front of me, not. Did you come in while I was in the shower?” I was silent for 30 seconds, while Ruth just sat there. Finally I whispered “yes.” “Fine..now telling me the truth wasn’t so hard was it.” “No I guess not” I replied. “Now I want you to tell me why you came in my bedroom while I was showering.” I kept my head down for probably 15 seconds and finally looked at Ruth. She was sitting at the other end of the sofa, with one cushion separating us. I realized I wasn’t hiding anything from her, that she knew. Is there something wrong?" Just a bit sad about things." I know, honey, life's dealt you a pretty raw deal. Never mind, thingscan only get better." I don't see how dressing and living as a girl will make things anybetter." Here, there is nothing wrong with being a girl, you know!" Sorry, it's just all - you know."She lit up a cigarette and my nose wrinkled at the smell."Sorry, honey, it's my only vice." What's a vice." Something you shouldn't be doing." Like what?" Do you always ask so many. Now everybody knew. Did other girls get talked to like this during *their* periods??I?ll try, Coach.?The question was: how? It would be easy to excel. Even today, I was deliberately holding myself back. The problem was the matter of fine control. The subtleties were missing, and it was hard to get them back when I felt this horrible. So instead of taking a chance, and erring on the spectacular side, I was erring on the sloppy side. I wanted to follow the coach?s advice, but how?First I.
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