In a trembling voice, Gail told him, "I don't know a lot about ... Ricky didn't touch ... he'd drink, and then he just wanted to, I guess the proper w...rd is intercourse, but I thought of it as a much uglier word, then he would go to sleep." She paused a moment, sniffed and then continued, "I ... I used to avoid him. I'd stay up late and try to be so still when I went to bed, so he wouldn't wake up. He wasn't gentle or stuff, he was rough and he hurt me, not bad, just a little painful." She. What is the difference?’ I was shocked to the core. ‘What do you expect from me, mom? Please don’t tell this to anyone. Punish me, but keep this secret. I promise, I shall never do it now’, I told mom. Mom laughed and said, ‘Done. I shall keep this secret – provided you let me enjoy with you. You will have to fuck me.’ I said, ‘What are you talking mom? You are my mother. It will be a sin.’ Mom replied, ‘If I am willing, there is no sin. Look darling, your dad is away for years, earning money.. I hurt so badly. My whole body hurts. Can't I just go home now?" I pleaded.Nathan ignored me and told me to go back out to Willow and turn right. I started the car and followed his directions and it was only a few blocks to another run down home on another run down street of poor homes.I parked in front of the house and we went to the door. The boy that came to the door was Jamie, the brother of the drug dealer. I recognized him when I saw his face. He recognized me too and I didn't like the. I missed all the different flavors of sex, everything from making precious love to fucking the living daylights out of someone. It boggled my mind that I could still feel lust, that I still wanted, needed, despite what I had done, despite what had been done to me. It more than boggled my mind that I still used my vivid visual imagination to picture situations with definite dominant elements, where pleasure sometimes walked hand in hand with pain. The thought of being tied up, helpless, should.
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